Saturday, May 31, 2014

Baby Got Back...A Tale of Nonexistent Exercise and Woe!

You know those awesome mothers that ran long distance or kept a exercise routine almost all the way until delivery, and look stinking amazing after kids?  Then you see those mothers that look haggard, fat and flabby, and have clearly given up all hope of ever being attractive or fit again?  I would be firmly placed in the latter.  Have you ever ran into a woman with several young children, and you are shocked because they look so awesome?  I have personally never experienced this.  Apparently I have just that rundown look that one gets when they haven't bothered to work out their body after several children.

In all seriousness I have created a huge problem for myself.  No pun intended.  When you become winded just doing regular household chores you know you are way to overweigh.  I've lost a little of the baby gain after each child, but certainly not anywhere near all of it.  Only to a year down the road get pregnant again, and add more baby gain to my previous baby gain...multiplied by five.

I have been seriously wacked out since my miscarriage last year, and I truly believe in my heart that my weigh and general state of health is the reason why I haven't gotten pregnant again since.  My mini horde is so wonderful that I long to add to it...even with my crazy wild little ones.  I'm not ready or willing to throw in the towel on my child bearing years.  I'm only 32 for pete's sake.  That leaves me plenty of time to birth my way into a super capacity van.  We're almost there as it is.

So I, Sarah, do solemnly swear, to train for the child.  I swear to train my body so that it will once more be a reliable vessel for Heavenly Father to entrust his special spirits.  I swear to train for not only the children to come, but for the children that are already here.  That the mom they have will be one with the health and energy level to be the mom they deserve.  I swear to take pride in my appearance that my sweet and beautiful daughters may also strive to always keep their bodies fit, and look their best.  I swear to train for the general fitness of my family that the habits we form now may sustain them through out their lives.  Most importantly though I will train for me.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

The (Brutal) Honesty of Children

Everyday millions of random people become victims of childhood honesty (this statistic is purely fictional).  As any parent you learn quickly that your child's honesty can be brutal.  So I thought I would just share some brutal gems that my own children have laid on me over the years.

You know you have been a victim of childhood honesty if...while sharing a public restroom stall with your child they decide to announce to the other occupants exactly how big your bum is.  For the record mine is 7 'bigs', as in, "Mom you have a big, big, big, Big, Big, BIG, BIG bottom".  This may be accompanied with a chorus of snickers from the other patrons, and a few may even try to check out exactly how big your bum really is.  Good Times.

You know you have been a victim of childhood honesty if...when you serve up soup for dinner you over hear your children say, "Hey, lets pretend that we live in a orphanage.  That should help us eat this stuff."  Good to see them using their imagination more.

You know you have been a victim of childhood honesty if...your child snuggles up to you.  Gently lays her head upon your shoulder, while wrapping her arm around yours and then whispers lovingly, "Mom, when I grow up I hope I have super fat arms just like yours...they make cuddling super comfy." I'm happy to oblige, dear child.

You know you have been a victim of childhood honesty if... you've ever heard the phrase, "Mom, I was sure dinner was going to be nasty, like the last time you tried something new, but it wasn't all the awful."  You know dinner was a success when it "wasn't awful".  I live for those glowing reviews of my meals.

You know you have been a victim of childhood honesty if... you've ever overheard your child tell her classmate, "My mom's tummy always looks that big...maybe its because she's always pregnant."  Those recently lost five pounds didn't feel like such a success anymore.

You know you have been a victim of childhood honesty if... your child has ever asked, "If I become a mom is my stomach going to have those weird stripes on it?"  Yes, dear child, unless the genetics I passed to you radically mutated you too will fall victim to...stretch marks.

Childhood Honesty is a real thing, and does affect real individuals daily.  The best remedy for childhood honesty is the record all these little moments of brutal truth letting for posterities sake, and because revenge is sweet you should commit some of the more notorious moments to memory.  Then many years from now when you are a gray haired grandmother (or have clairol hair), you can snuggle with your grandchildren, and help them come up with their own little nuggets of brutal honesty to share with their parents.  Turnabout is after all fair play, and then another generation will carry on brutal (funny) honesty.  That my friends is a legacy to be proud of.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Being a Dirty, Filthy, Food Sneak!

When you become a mom all kinds of things happen.  Hair brushing becomes optional.  You learn how to enjoy three seconds of blissful chocolate eating in the bathroom/closet/dark pantry.  You deal with being used as a human kleenex far, FAR too often.  Most importantly though you learn how to be a dirty filthy food hider.

So I've been so incredibly busy here lately just living life.  In short I haven't finished any projects in a few weeks.  So I thought I would share my favorite way to sneak veggies into my kiddos meals.  When I buy ground meat I always mince up vegetables, and sauté them and cook them with the meat.

In there I have 4 carrots, 4 celery stalks, 2 zucchini, and an onion. (I've also used cabbage before too)

I ninja'ed the heck out of it until it is all super tiny.  Then I put a little bit of olive oil in the bottom of a ginormous (actual word, I swear) pan, seasoned it with salt/pepper, and lightly sauté it all. After a few minutes I put in the ground meat.

Maybe I should have said that we eat super lean ground turkey here.  I have strong opinions about the fat content of meat.  I also have strong opinions about spending tons of money on groceries.  FYI:  super lean ground turkey is WAY cheaper than super lean ground beef.

The vegetables will create more drippings than just browning your ground meat alone so make sure to drain it.

And that ladies and gentlemen is how I turned 3 pounds of lean ground turkey into 6 pounds worth.

This mixture is great for sloppy joes, chili, taco meat, soup, and every type of casserole that calls for ground meat.

The best is that I have been doing this for years, and it wasn't until this year with the girls home all the time that they even figured out that this is how we have been eating it.  I love that they didn't even notice.  

And on that note please don't tell the horde that regular rice is white, and not brownish and chewy...okay?  Thanks.  

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