Thursday, October 24, 2013

When Teething and Homeschooling Collide. A Good Money Making Opportunity?

Finally we were finding a groove.

Finally we were getting a schedule.

Finally everyone seemed to be adapting...well almost everyone.

I have discovered the quickest path to an extremely upset baby is sitting down, and trying to review letters and letter sounds with two of her sisters.

What ensues can only be described as pure chaos. On the flip side my girls will have no problem learning, studying, or functioning in a noisy college environment.

So in a way this is valuable college prep.  I could probably hire out my clingy, teething child to small families so that their children will know how to deal in the chaotic crowds that seem to abound at college campuses the world over.

This is how I think the advertisement should read:

Offering Whiney One Year Old Teether, and a Plethora of Assorted Sisters to Create Chaos and General Discord.  How Best to Help Your Child Learn to Learn in a Noisy Dorm/Fraternity/Sorority/Apartment Than with These Fun Loving Girls Who Love to Run, Laugh, Giggle, Fight and Cling to Any Available Appendage When You REALLY Need to Concentrate.  Also Available to Newly Married Couples Looking to Experience an Afternoon of Parenthood to See if You Really Are Ready to Get With Child.  Best to Rent Directly Prior to Any and All Important Phone Conversations.  When Careful Listening, and Prompt Replying is a Necessity.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Offensive Random Questions From Strangers

Are they all yours?

This one isn't crazy bad.  I could very well have borrowed neighborhood kids, or stolen children from other parents in the store.  I mean kids love to follow random groups.  Case and point, #4 always seems to wander away with other people with kids.  She is accustomed to being in a small herd, and apparently doesn't discriminate on which herd she chooses to follow.  I have got to say though that if I can gather a group of similarly looking girl children in varying ages from throughout a store that I am good.  Like the pied piper even, but for mini females and thankfully not rats.  This question usually leads us to our next question.

Do they all have the same dad?

This one too could be valid.  I mean I have four blonde very fair freckled faced children, and one brunette child sporting not a single freckle and a tan that a lot of woman would kill for.  Clearly different fathers is the only way to explain such an occurrence.  I mean it couldn't be that four of them take after their dad, and one inherited my ability to tan.  I have to say though that all my children have some very strong features that they ALL inherited from their father.

Are you going to keep trying for a boy?

I will be honest this one just angers me no end.  So I have five beautiful girls.  Was there anything in my conduct that made it seem like I was disappointed with any one of them because of their gender?  That I have been continuing to increase my family size for the sole purpose of acquiring a boy?  Just so stupid.

Sorry you didn't get your boy.

Not a question so much as a stupid statement.  See the response to the above question if you are wondering how I feel about this one.

Why would you choose to bring anymore children into this world, when its such a nasty place?

Well, this one is just silly. I mean couldn't I just be a person bent on the further destruction of our beautiful planet?  Maybe I thrive on mayhem, or if certain theorists are to be believed, a hotter, dirtier place to be since I have ruined it with my oversized familial carbon foot print.  Just ridiculous.  Has no one thought of the saying, the hand the rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world, and I'm not refering to that creepy 90s movie here.  My meaning being that if those of us that loved and cherished our children (and I do put myself in that category) had more then maybe through our parenting we could make this world one of love, honor and integrity, one that we could be proud of.   So it would appear that I must needs continue my country loving, baby having, large family living for the good of the planet.  I think this makes me something like a crazy awesome super hero!

So next time I hear a stupid question I think I'll just smile.  Since they are obviously not cool enough to recognize my superhero status, and all the sacrifice I give to rear the best new generation that I can.  One beautiful and precious little girl at a time.